Girl, Stop Apologizing

by Nisha Btesh May 06, 2019

Girl, Stop Apologizing

Hola Gwapa! SO if you read my last blog post, Stay In Motion, in which I vowed to write one blog post every two weeks you would know that well... I may have fallen a little short on that promise considering that post was written was back in February. BUT if we're looking for a positive, my first and second post was six months apart and my second and third post are only 3 months apart so I'm improving! And I mean what more can we really ask for? 

Since my last post though, I have in fact kept my promise to stay in motion. I've sourced, made and launched a new hand marbled dog collar and leash line with a fun spin-off name to the blog called Gwa-PAW. Get it?! Another post on that later (hopefully I won't keep you waiting another 3 months for it but with my current track record who can say for sure?) Launching a new line is a big deal and sometimes to make new things happen you have to sacrifice or give other things up that's currently occupying your time, right?!

For me, that thing is and always has been blogging. Oddly enough blogging is something I absolutely LOVE. It comes easy to me and feels therapeutic to write and to share and to ramble. I also love listening to other bloggers and writers talk about writing. There's something about the action of typing down everything that's in your head for others to read and learn from that gets me all fired up inside. I even love watching the shape of words and sentences form onto the white canvas of a page as my fingers tap across the keyboard. So much so that I will often drive myself crazy deleting and reworking whole phrases that capture the exact meaning of what I'm trying to say but visually the shape or even the way the words sound strung together resemble anything less than poetry. The point is writing is something that genuinely excites me and sparks a fire deeply from within that most people yearn for, I mean hell I have the butterflies writing about it writing right now. So why is "writing time" always the first thing that I let fall off my calendar in exchange for a shiny new appointment, social media time or responding to emails? 

In truth, the answer to that question may be much more deeply rooted and it will definitely take me more than a few blog posts to find it. But what I can say is that I'm starting to get a better idea of where this "playing small" with my goals and passions may be coming from. If you follow Hola Gwapa on Instagram you will have seen me posting about my recent book obsession Girl, Stop Apologising by Rachel Hollis.

My mom gifted me with this book a little over a week ago and I haven't been able to put it down. Like I literally take it with me everywhere I go at the off chance I'll have a free 30 seconds to read the next sentence. Sometimes when I'm reading it my eyes well up with tears because I feel like she is speaking directly to my soul. Not to be dramatic but if you don't read this book you might as well be dead. If you haven't yet been introduced, allow me. It's an absolute MUST READ for any babe with a goal. Hell, it's even for babes without goals...yet. Wink. Wink. 

And here's why, in it, Rachel breaks down the most common psychological excuses that women are operating under, she highlights how feeding ourselves these stories are detrimental to our businesses, bodies, and brains and finally she coaches us through how powerful is to get up from underneath these excuses and stories so that we can start living life as if our goals and our happiness and our passions are something to treasure, value, and fight for... because  NEWS FLASH they are! She shares that as women we tend to find our value in the happiness of others. Good mom, good friend, good daughter, good wife and so we make our personal goals really small as if having our own bank of dreams somehow depletes the energy we have to offer our loved ones, therefore making it a selfish act. 

We make everyone else's happiness and comfort the entire ice sundae and ours the cherry on top. I mean let's start with the fact that I don't even like cherries on my ice cream. Do you?! It feels like a total afterthought and I bet you no has ever said: "Man that ice cream sundae was really good, but I sure do wish they hadn't left off the cherry!" Nobody cares about the cherry! It's the sundae that we're all drooling over but we often don't give our own goals enough merit to be a big ol' delicious scoop of chocolate fudge. Our goals should be in there alongside the other scoops, not a cute little garnish that gets added at the end if the scooper even remembers to include it. It's this downplaying of our goals that resonated so deeply with me like they're the dam cherry. Your goals are not cherries ladies! They are big old scoops of rocky road, gooey fudge, mint chip & cookies and cream!

In my case, I work 9-5 at a PR firm and run Hola Gwapa in my "spare time" (what's spare time? lol.) When people ask me what I do, like Rachel, I lead with the answer I know will please the person asking and then might add the cherry on top "aaaand I also have a little side hustle going. It's a little blog and online shop". Without even realizing it I go out of my way to make meer STRANGERS comfortable with my answer before considering the alternative of vocalizing the passion project that is Hola Gwapa with any real vigor, weight or value. I work 8 hour days and then come home to work four-six more, I give up trips, and relaxing weekends, relationships, parties and workouts to focus my attention and work on this HUGE goal of developing this online community of Artist and Entrepreneurs from all over the world who can come together to share ideas, challenges, tips, tricks, and support each other's unparalleled talents, online shops, blogs, and businesses! But when people ask what I do? Mums the word, better to keep it "a little side project". WHY?! Why do we do this?!

Why do we play small? Why are we always standing in our own dam way? We keep our big dreams inside like their our dirty little secret and therefore we feel wrong for believing in them, for speaking to them, for manifesting them. Writing these blog posts is about the process, it's a road map that I can refer back to for value (how did I get here?!) or look forward to with thrilled excitement (how do I get there?!). I dream of these blog posts being the bread and butter of Hola Gwapa, an exposed diary, totally transparent, flawed, funny, relatable and inspiring. I want you to feel like you're not alone on your journey towards greatness just as much and I want you to comment, engage and share with me so that I don't feel alone on mine. So it's disarming that my first three posts have all been about why I don't write instead of why I do. My blog posts are literally standing in the way of my blog posts... Ay!

Instead of making promises though, Rachel guides that the next step is to create habits. Habits around time, habits around language, habits around dedication and sacrifice that will ultimately lead you to value your massive goals in the same way you would if you had a first date with Chris Hemsworth. A totally committed and sacred date that absolutely no other plans, person, or opinion could get in the way of. She explains that if you had a date with your absolute hunky dream man (or woman), whoever that may be for you, you wouldn't even be slightly tempted to cancel if your best friend invited you to get drinks at the same time or give a rats ass if your boss asked you to join a meeting last minute. You wouldn't care if a stranger on Instagram told you they thought he had bad breath or your parents didn't approve. NOTHING WOULD STOP YOU FROM GETTING TO THAT DATE.

AND! The funny thing is, not only would you make sure your butt was there but you would probably spend the entire week leading up to that date getting ready! You'd brush up on your positive affirmations in the morning, you'd get your lip waxed even if it cost you your last $38, you'd get in at least one gym workout no matter how exhausted you were, you'd plan your outfit the night before and made sure it showed off your best assets and disguised you're least favorite, you'd hit the farmers market to make sure you were stocked on fresh foods instead of ordering Postamtes from the couch, you might even treat yourself a new tube of lipstick and make sure you had a good nights of sleep instead of staying up till 1 am watching Netflix so that you woke up feeling fresh and prepared and full of energy.

Note that just because you put this date on your calendar and marked it important does not mean that you get extra time to accomplish these things, but rather you find the time because that's how important showing up as your best self for it mattered. This example is not to compare a woman's ambition to that of dating a hot dude but rather to highlight that when you have plans that you value and that excite you to your core you do whatever it takes to prepare and show up at the top of your game. But when it comes to our business and personal goals and dreams we tend to shut down, procrastinate and say yes to things that take us farther away from realizing our own talents, strengths, and success.

I certainly have not perfected this either, I mean let the three blog posts in nine months stand as evidence of that! I myself have a lot to work on when it comes to not apologizing for the big dreams massive goals I have set for myself and Hola Gwapa but the thing that I'm most proud of myself for is that I keep showing up to try. If you haven't already go buy this book. Buy one for you and one for a friend and talk, share and excite each other to put some of the useful tools within it to action with me! 

What are habits can you put into motion today that will lead to a more successful tomorrow? 

Until the next post Gwapas! 

 

 




Nisha Btesh
Nisha Btesh

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